the 'one thing'

Sometime in 1974...probably a sunny Saturday morning~but then aren't all Saturday mornings in San Diego sunny?~ after we'd been inspired by so many 'day-dreaming' trips to Chase Maple and Pine in Chula Vista (home to 'outrageously gorgeous ... and with prices-to-match' furniture) we adjusted our expectations, checked our budget and set our sights on the much more affordable unfinished furniture stores lining El Cajon Boulevard near our favorite Pizza Hut.

We were about to make a very symbolic purchase.....no, not the pizza.....although I'm sure we ate at that Pizza Hut that day. You see, we'd been married three years and had recently reunited and recommitted to one another after a 9 month separation and intense individual and couple's counseling. Because of the 'transitional' nature of our first three years, we'd lived in a combined total of 5 rental situations up to this point and so we'd just rented furniture along the way, as well.

Today we were going to make our first major furniture purchase: a table. I'm sure we just thought we were buying a 'place to eat meals' as an alternative to sitting on the floor or on the couch in front of the TV. Yeah, wouldn't that be what you'd be thinking? How many of us actually get philosophical when buying furniture, really?

So we purchased an unfinished, round table with a substantial claw-footed base. Should have picked up the sandpaper and stain on the way home....but the call of the pizza was probably way too compelling.

We threw a bed sheet over it and there it remained, unstained, for a year. It was only the 'threat' of having friends over for Thanksgiving dinner that year that motivated us to uncover
this beauty and finish the project.


 

That table has been with us 40 years, has traveled many miles, graced the kitchens of our 6 abodes during that time. The chairs that have surrounded it have come and gone....but that table, well, it's 'family'.

In Shauna Niequist's book Bread and Wine, she describes 'the table' in a way that has come to have a lot of meaning to us:

"The table is the life raft, the center point, the home base of who we are together." (p.30)

And when you think about all the things that happen 'around the table' you can see why that metaphor is apropos. Our family archive of photographs, which documents our journey, features countless pictures in which this table is displaying birthday cakes, Thanksgiving and Christmas gathering dinners, and science fair projects. You can almost mark Laura's, Allyson's and Brian's ages by the heights they were when photographed standing near the table. One picture, a favorite of mine, captures our Easter egg-dying experience around that table when all three of our darlin's had chickenpox.

Good talks....hard talks were had at this table. Tears were shed, problems were hashed out. Feelings were hurt at this table and forgiveness was asked and given and reconciliation occurred around this table. Sometimes ones left this table in anger, slamming footsteps echoing into another room. But they always came back and come back still. Like you'd return to a life raft, considering the alternative.

It was around this table that Rob and I would work out the family budget, on green bar ledger paper, before the advent of computers. Some of the budgets had more 'red' than 'black', but never once did we miss a meal or a house payment. God's Grace and His Provision has been, and continues to be, abundant in this place.

During the season of 2002-2004, our table was the site of mapping out wedding budgets and the 'staging area' for the mailing of invitations, reception table centerpieces and the wrapping of gifts as our family grew in size and love as first, Allyson, then Brian followed by Laura each joined their lives to another.

We've gathered in their homes, around their 'life rafts', and we sense the same quality of 'welcome' and 'you're family' that we would hope anyone feels when they come into our home. That's a good thing.

These days our 'life raft' is most often the setting for a simple meal for two, as the afternoon sun fills the room. It serves as a comfortable gathering place for the pre-marital counseling and marriage mentoring that we do.......over 100 couples have joined us here over the past 10 years. It still gets to be the 'staging area' when a long-anticipated road trip or camping weekend is in sight, as well. And frequently it's graced with the sticky fingerprints of small, eager hands......bits of play-doh, crayons, paper airplanes, and magical drawings......delightful and precious reminders that our family, and the experiences around our 'life raft' continue to grow in size and the capacity to give and receive love.

I'd love to know what story this table would tell, if it could.

I want to remember all the details. I've tried to imagine it here, but I'm sure I fall short.

Where's your 'life raft'? Can you hear the story it's trying to tell?

2nd Chances...



 

Today my wife, Cathie, and I celebrated the 40^th anniversary of our reunion, our 2^nd chance at marriage, after 9 months of legal separation that ended March 31^st, 1974.  We paused to humbly remember, say a prayer of thanksgiving, and celebrate a meal with our children, their spouses, and our grandchildren.  It is often easier to believe in 2^nd chances for others than it is for yourself, certainly that was the way it was for me back then.  While today we serve a God of 2^nd chances, until it is personally experienced in the arena of life, the appreciation and understanding of what forgiveness and redemption means in a life, a marriage, a family, can be lost.  With God’s intervention in my life, our lives, some solid Baptist marriage counseling, encouragement from my father, and my friend, Ted Shown, my wife and I journeyed through a horribly dark and emotionally wrenching time to get to a point to be able to start our marriage again.  A ‘do-over’ where the awareness of what was almost lost was keenly felt and acknowledged, as if we could actually peer over the edge of the precipice into which we almost fell.

 

I say this to encourage you, to always be asking God “what am I to be learning from this experience?”  It could be most anything…. life, marriage, work, children.  As it’s said, God never wastes a hurt.  I believe that all life experiences are to mature us spiritually. 

Thank you Jesus, my Lord, for what you did, are doing, and will do in my, and our, life.  I humbly acknowledge that You redeemed my marriage, and I am deeply grateful.  Please keep the experience fresh and in the forefront of my awareness all the days of my life.  You are an Awesome God!





eye witness miracle...

My wife Cathie and I have been married over 30 years (spring 2002) and over the last couple years, we have found that we enjoy camping in remote areas that are considered primitive.  In April 2000, we were in the Arkansas Ozarks at such a location.  We had used a 4X4 to get to back to one of our favorite sites that over looks a small lake.

We had gotten there a little later than usual.  Storms were blowing in and we went about setting up the tents and equipment.  After an hour or so it started to rain.  Around 3:30pm in the afternoon, the rain was steady. Rather than being confined to our tents and area, we decided to hike around the lake looking for wildlife.  With our ponchos keeping us dry and comfortable we started looking for various tracks.  The rain picked up, which helped to muffle our sound, as well as our scent.  With the excellent cover we soon found a large group of deer making their way through the forest.  We followed the deer, keeping watch, seeing how close we could get without being noticed.  Once or twice we were detected and the deer would take off across the hills and we would move away and plot a course to intercept them.
 

Well, we lost track of time, playing “reindeer games”, when I had noticed it getting darker.  I thought it was part of the storm passing overhead, but realized too late that it night coming to the forest and not simply another dark cloud.   When we realized that we had overstayed our time, we reoriented ourselves to the lake.  The lake is 6 to 7 miles around its shoreline; we thought we were about half way.  Rain was continuing, and with the foliage overhead it was getting progressively darker.  The rain also made the rocks and forest floor on the side of the hills rather slippery, slowing our movement, as we picked our way around fallen trees, ravines, cliffs and other unknown objects in the dark.
 

 

We were struggling and getting frustrated in the dark.  At this point, Cathie was trailing me as we held hands to stabilize one another and to simply maintain connection in the dark.   As I recall, somewhere in that process Cathie said something about the next time we go on a hike we should start earlier.  It seemed to me to be one of those really helpful comments spoken at the wrong time, and I turned to make a smart remark that I probably would have regretted later.
 

As I turned to respond to Cathie I was able to see her face clearly.  I looked past her face and could see back from the direction we had come about 50 feet into the woods.  I stopped.  I looked to my left and could see about 10 feet off to my left.  I turned around and could now see about 70 feet in front of us into the forest.  I asked Cath if she could see what I thought I was seeing and she said yes.  We looked at our hands and could see some sort of the light reflecting off our hands.   There was no moon that night, no lightening with this heavy rainstorm and we were standing under the forest foliage, with this light around us.
 

Anyway, I was amazed.  I stood there thanking God, and turning, I asked my wife what we should do.  Sometimes I ask really stupid questions.  She wisely said we should keep going and try to find the trail and head toward our camp.  As we moved, the light moved with us.  We eventually found the trail and headed in the direction toward our campsite.  Every so often I stopped and looked around for the source of the light – I found none – yet it persisted.  My wife encouraged me to keep walking…
 

After 3 to 4 miles through the forest, we got back to our campsite, the light staying with us the whole time.  As soon as we got back to the site I grabbed the flashlight and in the moment I turned it on, it was the only light source in the dark.
 

You say nice story Rob, but I don’t believe you.

As I think about this story, I have a hard time believing me, but I have a problem.  My wife was there, and we both shared the same experience.  What do I do with that?
 

Application

I am reminded of my forest experience when I reflect on the challenges we face at work: 

• Issues of creativity, focus - strength to see a project task through to a completion, finding satisfaction in work.  Think about dealing with difficult people – isn’t that a dark night of the soul?
• It is so challenging to be nice to everyone, to acknowledge and celebration other folks’ efforts and victories.
• Think about tasks you can do here at work for which no one will ever know it was you that did that thing.  Isn’t that troubling – no credit or brownie points?
• On a grander scale we have projects like the Owasso Joint Venture, the Broken Arrow Hospital, or the PACMAN project.  They each in their own ways seem to be very dense forests.

 

By letting God come to work with us, He can provide insight, focus and inspiration, thinking way outside the box, circle, rhomboid, or the cubicle in which you live.  He helps us to look at issues differently.

With His help, we can move beyond the areas over which we feel we have control and step out into areas where our fear says we are at risk or have the most to lose.
 

I have a couple questions for you

Do you truly want God active you where you live & work?  Have you given Him permission to mess with your life?

• We have free will, or choice, and God will not come into an area He has not been invited.
• In Deuteronomy 31:7, He has promised to never leave or forsake me.
• In 2 Chronicles 15:2, God says “Seek Me and you will find Me”.
• In Matthew 7:7  Jesus says "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

 The other question is -  If you want Him active, are you willing to leave some preconceived ideas of religion at door?

• In our culture and world we are pretty smart people, proud.  We have defined God from our perspective and wisdom.  We have built complex religions with our little 3 pound brains.  We come from a Greek mind set that elevates the intellect and rational thought – a lot of good things come from that….
• The world didn’t recognize Jesus when He came the first time.  The best minds, the brightest people, only a couple thousand years ago.  He didn’t fit their definition of a Savior.  He was a lunatic, or a liar – cause He couldn’t possibly be their Lord.
• Much as Israel is the point of contention for the world today in all that is playing out, Jesus was and continues to be the stumbling block for those seeking to know God.  It all comes down to who you think Jesus is.

Want to leave you with this Challenge

Proverbs 3:5-6  (Be intentional - Ask God to be active in your life. Read through this a couple of times and then break apart.

 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and  (Seek Him, run after, pester Him, knock down the door, tackle Him, go after Him)

 

Lean not on your own understanding; (Have faith, use your mind and all your assets but don’t be limited by it, realize He doesn’t think like you or me and that is a very, very good thing)

 

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and  (Strive to be Obedient, ask Him for help to simply do the simple stuff, help me with first steps, celebrate God in everything you do)

 

He will make your paths straight.    (Lord please help me to see you when you show up in my life, help me recognize your solutions, Be expectant, know that collaboration with God in this life is the goal and the true mark of success)